Spoiler Free Review
Now that James Bond has gone all lactose intolerant British spy movies are notably lacking in cheese. Fear not, for Kingsman: The Secret Service is here to fill that smelly void and does so with gusto and a surprising amount of class. Kingsman is the Ronseal of films and you get exactly what you see on the posters; high intensity action, predictable yet lovable characters and some lass with a reet nice bum in very tight clothing. Continuing where the Brosnan-Bond era left off you knew exactly where the plot was going but you also didn’t care.
Despite featuring the bad-ass motherfucker himself, Samuel L.Jackson, it was Colin Firth who made this film with his charming demeanour, effortless class and endless supply of suave. Kingsman hits near perfection in what it tries to achieve with a just a handful of out-of-place scenes that temporarily tarnished the tone of the film. For all its predictability, the execution of the plot was surprisingly novel and even caught you off guard in places. Kingsman is simply a must see; it’s furiously fun and frivolously fancy, just don’t forget to don your movie-goggles before you see it.
Spoilerific Review
Kingsman: The Secret Service is painfully close to being a perfect movie with the ideal cast as wholesome characters delivering wit and punches in equal measure. Sure, Kingsman was predictable but it wasn’t cliché and in fact refreshingly novel in places. It has a squeamish villain, addresses class warfare in today’s society but perhaps the most novel thing about this film is having the lead female NOT hooking up with the male protagonist, now that’s damn near revolutionary.
Colin Firth was simply fantastic, whether he was handing down life lessons or ramming a stake through someone’s eye he was more dashing, deadly and debonair than Bond could ever be. Newbie actor Taron Egerton makes a stunning debut as Eggsy and Michael Caine does what he does best. Whoever thought of casting Samuel L Jackson as a lisping, squeamish, prissy villain is nothing short of a genius as Samuel, or should I say Thamuel, was perfect. Kingsman even featured a somewhat rounder Mark Hamill (you may know him as LUKE SKYWALKER)
Use the forks, Luke.
So what’s stopping Kingsman from getting a perfect 10? Well, there are a few things but they are only minor issues. It’s quite ironic that the most realistic scenes in Kingsman actually took you out of the film. For example there is a point where Eggsy is cornered and beaten by his abusive, scumbag step-dad, now this is a sight we are all too familiar with and the whole scene briefly bursts the movie bubble. Not that the scenes were harrowing in anyway and if they were featured in one of the latest Bonds it would fit the tone perfectly, however in Kingsman they just detracted from the frivolity of the film.
Now I know I’m gonna sound like a prude here but I don’t care. Yes, Kingsman wouldn’t be true to itself it didn’t emulate Bond’s lusty antics however they approached it in such a heavy handed manner that the result was unnecessarily crass. To have an imprisoned, stunning Swedish blonde princess utter “And then we do asshole?” is exactly the kind of low-brow, titter-inducing bilge you find on some BBC3 shlock. Having Eggsy save the day and return to blondie with a bottle of champagne and a loose collar served as an ideal hat-tip towards 007’s get-the-girl-in-the-end days, especially as he closes the cell door with a wink and smile. It would have been a wonderful tribute but they pushed it too far and the closing shots of the film are through Eggsy’s google glasses, staring up her ass. Were it not for the almost instantaneous, redeeming during-credits scene I would have left Kingsman significantly deflated with a nagging sour taste.
I am also a massive hypocrite because this film was violent, like REALLY fucking violent and I have no issue with it whatsoever. Perhaps because the violence was approached in such an over-the-top, cartoonish manner, it helped you detach yourself from such scenes. Though a tad drawn out, the frenzied massacre in the church was superbly choreographed and the level of gore was so ridiculous that you just had to laugh (which is was it was trying to achieve I should point out).
So with the winter firmly settling in and the February blues banging loud at your door, perk yourself up by going to see Kingsman. It’s funny, likeable and more than just frivolous escapism and may actually surprise you. Besides who DOESN’T want to see 200+ heads explode in time to Land of Hope and Glory and a Ballerina emulating a scene from Tokyo Gore Police
7Bit’s 7Word Review: Cheesier than Bond in a Dairylea Jacuzzi
7bitarcade - Archive 