TV at Christmas time is shit. There are some exceptions but the overwhelming majority of shows are either repeats or formulaic bullshit. After scouring the schedules, there are only TWO Christmas shows worth watching; the Black Mirror Christmas Special written by Charlie Brooker and starring Jon Hamm as well as the Gadget Man’s Guide to Christmas with Richard Ayoade. Other than that, you are on your own to deal with the inanity of the X-Factor and Strictly finals and yet another lacklustre Doctor Who special. Mind you, they could have Peter Capaldi pointing at Daleks whilst shitting in a bucket for an hour and it would be INFINETLY better than last year’s special.
This didn’t used to be the case though and there are hundreds of fantastic TV specials from the past 40 years. So, as an escape from the god-awful ratings fodder, I have whipped together a 7Bit Christmas schedule full of specials from sitcoms and dramas, designed to get you in a Christmassy mood without making you wanting to hurl your Christmas dinner at the screen. So in alphabetical order, here we go:
30 Rock – S02E09 – Ludachristmas
Named after Ludacris’ contribution to the Fred Clause soundtrack, Ludachristmas captures the holidays perfectly with the forced smiles of family reunions and copious amounts of drinking at staff parties. If you’ve never seen 30 Rock before then perhaps give this episode a miss as it’s best to watch the show in order. But for the love of god make sure you watch it, because no Christmas TV marathon is complete with copious amounts of Lemon Party jokes, temporal amnesia and filthy Christmas miracles.
Also, for those of you who HAVE seen 30 Rock, be sure to check out S05E10 – Christmas Attack Zone too as it is just as funny as Ludachristmas.
American Dad – S07E08 – For Whom the Sleigh Bell Toll
While there are many Christmas episodes of American Dad to choose from, this one is by far the best. In true American Dad fashion, it’s both dark and slightly abstract where we find has Steve accidently shots a mall Santa with an AK-47 that Stan gave him, only it turns out it was the real Santa. Throw in a bloody battle to the back drop of August Burns Red’s Carol of the Bells and you have a fantastic episode on your hands.
S03E09 – The Best Christmas Story Never Told and S04E08 – The Most Adequate Christmas Ever are also fantastic episodes, and are a great addition if you really want an Xmas TV marathon
The Big Bang Theory – S02E11 – The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis
Before you say anything, yes, I know The Big Bang Theory is US comedy at its worst but it didn’t start out that way. While the vast majority of episodes essentially consist of Penny pouting, Leonard moaning, Raj whinging and Sheldon being a insufferable prick, The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis is a genuinely well written, clever episode that is also pretty damn funny. It sits as the highest rated TBBT episode of all time and it’s probably one of the only examples of chemistry between the characters.
Blackadder – Blackadder’s Christmas Special
In a much needed blast from Christmas comedy past, the Blackadder crew bring to life Dickens’ classic tale of A Christmas Carol only with a welcome slice of cynicism and sarcasm. I honestly cannot think of anyone more perfect to embody Ebenezer Scrooge than the king of snark himself, Edmund Blackadder. In true Ben Elton and Richard Curtis style, this is a wonderful mix of humor and heart and an essential for any winter watch.
Community – S02E11 – Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas
Stop-motion animation, copious amounts of movie references and a remote-controlled Christmas pterodactyl – what more could you want from a holiday special? Plus, it’s during the glory days of Community before Dan Harmon had his little spat, so you know it’s one of the good episodes. Focusing around Abed (as most of them to be honest) and his current affliction where everything he sees is in stop-motion animation, not only does this episode have you in stitches but it also has a bloody good tug at the heart strings. Like 30 Rock though, if you haven’t seen Community, don’t jump straight into it with this episode as a lot of the jokes will go over your head (Community is intentionally meta sometimes).
Father Ted – A Christmassy Ted
Voted as one of the greatest Christmas TV moments of all time, A Christmassy Ted is one of the shows best episodes. Though the pace is a tad off in the second half of this hour long special, the first half is utter priceless. I mean, who doesn’t want to see half a dozen priests embarking upon a daring Vietnam-esque escape after getting lost in the lingerie section of a department store. Thanks to the magic of 4OD, you can actually watch the full episode here. Plus, this episode has one of the greatest Dougal moments of all time.
Flint Street Nativity
It’s not often ITV makes something worth watching, but when they do, fuck me do they get it right. Featuring some of the biggest stars at the time (way back in 1999), Flint Street Nativity is an hour long special of comedians playing themselves as kids starring in a shitty school nativity play. I know that sounds a bit naff, but when you’re watching 8 year olds spouting racial slurs and imitating football players you will be 100% sold. Written by Tim Firth (the guy who created The Rottentrolls) this is a laugh a minute, solid gold British comedy. Although there are times where things get a tad bleak and poignant with all the family drama, the serious side of Flint Street seamlessly fits into the overall plot, creating a fantastic story. Thankfully, some magnificent son of a bitch has uploaded the entire show to YouTube, so be sure to check it out.
Friends – S07E10 – The One with the Holiday Armadillo
If you were born before 1995, then you will have at some point lived and breathed every episode of Friends. With nearly a dozen Christmas specials to choose from, it’s hard to pick just one but The One with the Holiday Armadillo stands claws and snout above the rest. Personally, I would recommend setting aside a couple of hours one evening and marathoning every Friends Christmas episode available, as they are all fantastic.
- Friends – S01E10 – The One with the Monkey
- Friends – S02E09 – The One with Phoebe’s Dad
- Friends – S03E10 – The One Where Rachel Quits
- Friends – S04E10 – The One with the Girl from Poughkeepsie
- Friends – S05E10 – The One with the Inappropriate Sister
- Friends – S06E10 – The One with the Routine
- Friends – S07E09 – The One with All the Candy
- Friends – S07E10 – The One with the Holiday Armadillo
- Friends – S08E10 – The One with Monica’s Boots
- Friends – S08E11 – The One with Ross’s Step Forward
- Friends – S09E10 – The One with Christmas in Tulsa
“My favourite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt!”
Futurama – S02E08 – Xmas Story AND S04E02 – A Tale of Two Santas
Look, I couldn’t decide between the two so I decided to include both, sue me. Futurama has created some incredible characters, Calculon, Roberto and Bender (I’m starting to see a trend here) and to add to this stellar list is Robot Santa. Every line he comes out with is sheer gold and the Christmas episodes themselves are so well written and will have you in stitches. So no matter how many shows you decide to watch from this list, I urge you to bump Futurama to the top, or you will be gunned down by a psychotic Christmas themed automaton.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – S06E13 – A Very Sunny Christmas
Though not very well known over here, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a much needed injection of vitriol and hatred into an otherwise sugary sweet comedy world. If you have never watched it before, think of it as a Fuck You version of Friends, where everyone screws each other over and are all round horrible people. While the show often taunts the boundaries of decency, the Christmas Special bullies it into submission over 45 minutes of crude, dark and genuinely fucked up humor. Just a heads up, this is not a standalone episode and you have to watch the show from the beginning for a lot of the jokes to make sense, much like 30 Rock and Community (only this is far more R Rated). Warning: Unless you want the most uncomfortable 45 minutes of your life, do not watch this with your family, instead watch it with your friends. I don’t want to spoiler you for what happens, so below is the only 4 seconds of the show you need to see to set the scene.
The League of Gentlemen – Christmas Special: Yule Never Leave
Voted as one of the scariest moments of visual history this is not for the faint hearted, in fact it’s barely for the strong willed. In this twisted hour-long special of the Royston Vasey misfits will chill you more than the cold of a winter night. You may think this is hyperbole but Yule Never Leave is essentially a perfectly executed Christmas horror mixed with the perverse and wonderfully dark sense of humor of the League of Gentlemen. While it’s perhaps funnier if you know that characters, it’s still amazing as a standalone episode. This will give you nightmares, Dave.
Mr Bean – Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean
If you take anything away from this list, please, for the love of all that is holy, watch this episode of Mr Bean. I am 99% sure you will have already seen it, but if for some unfathomable reason you have not, rectify that and fucking watch it. Every single scene of this 30 minute slice of pure comedy genius is hilarious and I cannot recommend it enough. Below is the opening scene with the nativity set, watch it, dry your eyes, mend your split sides and then watch the full episode.
The Office – Christmas Special Part 1 and 2
It had to be here, it just did. When anyone talks of Christmas TV, this is one of the modern gems that never fails to come up. If by some miracle you have managed to stay spoiler free, then for the love of god watch it this Christmas because it is fucking phenomenal. For those of you that have, I don’t I need to say anymore, you know how good it is, just watch it.
Fuck it, throw in the The Office US Christmas Specials too
While I know they don’t hold a torch to the original Office Christmas specials, the Yanks still did an outstanding job with the collection below. Guaranteed to make you laugh and fill you with that warm fuzzy feeling, both versions of The Office are an essential to any Christmas list. Besides, it wouldn’t be Christmas without a winter themed prank on Dwight
- The Office US – S02E07 – Christmas Party
- The Office US – S03E10 – A Benihana Christmas
- The Office US – S05E11 – Moroccan Christmas
- The Office US – S06E13 – Secret Santa
- The Office US – S07E11 – Classy Christmas
- The Office US – S08E10 – Christmas Wishes
- The Office US – S09E09 – Dwight Christmas
Peep Show – S07E05 – Seasonal Beatings
Some love The Peep Show, some hate it, either way Season Beatings holds a mirror up Christmas Day with the family and shows just how painfully awkward and ugly it can be. Most folk love spending Christmas with their family and have their own little knitted Christmas jumper uniform to impress Nan and if that’s what you want to do, then good for you. However my family are all over the age of 50 and since it’s winter they will all contract some deadly cocktail of Ebloa, Swine Flu and the Noro-Virus so each one of their racist tirades are extra phlegmy. I love this episode of the Peep Show because it shows Christmas for what it is; a severe case of Stockholm syndrome with tinsel. If you haven’t seen the episode, then be sure to do so and here is a little taster below.
Robbie The Reindeer (all three of them)
Christmas clearly means you gotta dig out the ol’ plasticine and make a stop motion special. Well, if have to watch one, make sure you watch Robbie the Reindeer. Populated with a star studded cast, superbly written and jam packed full of pop culture references, Robbie the Reindeer is just one of those shows that goes down smoother than a glass of warm milk with a mince pie. I could tell you a bit more about the cast, but half the fun is guessing who is doing the voices in the first place. At only 30 mins a pop, the Robbie the Reindeer trilogy makes an idea family watch for Christmas Eve (or in my case one really drunken night in March).
Robot Chicken – S02E21 – Christmas Special
If you have not heard of this show before, first you need to know that it’s on adult swim, a network for people with the attention span of 13 year old. Hence, Robot Chicken is Seth Green and Matthew Senreich’s bullet-paced sketch show based upon on the stop motion animation of action figures, like in their infamous Star Wars specials (which are WAY better than Family Guy specials I should add). To date there have been 6 Robot Chicken Christmas specials, and they are all pretty fucking funny. Since each episode is only 10 minutes long, I suggest marathoning all 6 episodes in one glorious hour of fucked-up, low-brow, crude as hell sketch comedy with at least half a gallon of extra strong egg-nog. Below is a list of the episodes you need, and may God have mercy upon your sanity.
- Robot Chicken – S02E21 – Christmas Special
- Robot Chicken – S03E14 – Robot Chicken’s Half-Assed Christmas Special
- Robot Chicken – S04E11 – Dear Consumer The Robot Chicken Fullassed Christmas Special
- Robot Chicken – S05E01 – Robot Chicken’s DP Christmas Special
- Robot Chicken – S06E13 – Robot Chicken’s ATM Christmas Special
- Robot Chicken – S06E21 – Born Again Virgin Christmas Special
Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe – S03E01 – Christmas Special
Perhaps it’s a little meta to include a show about Christmas shows in this list but hey, we included Community so I think we’re good. In classic Brooker Fashion, the Screenwipe Christmas special outline the pros and cons (weighed heavily towards the cons) of Xmas telly. Through the horrors of the Xmas Day soap Operas to the inanity of the Strictly Final, his spot on put downs are fucking hilarious. But it’s not all sneer and he points towards some of the wonders of Christmas past such as Noel Edmunds and his pioneering 80’s technology (that sounds sarcastic but I promise you it’s not). Thankfully, someone uploaded the episode to YouTube so here is a magic internet link thing.
The Simpsons – S07E11 – Marge Be Not Proud
Taken from the glory days of the Simpsons, this episode is the perfect edition to any Christmas watchlist. Every line Homer says is utterly priceless, mainly because of his stealing rant. If you’re like me and have seen this episode at least a thousand times already, it’s still funny and full of the classic Simpsons charm and unforgettable moments like this (please excuse the potato quality). A must need adition to the list are S09E10 – Miracle on Evergreen Terrace and S11E09 – Grift of the Magi which are two just fantastic Christmas Simpsons episodes. There are more Christmas specials in later years, but they really aren’t worth watching, just stick to these golden three.
South Park – S08E14 – Woodland Critter Christmas
We all are familiar with South Park’s Christmas mascot Mr Hankie the Christmas Poo but it’s the Christmas Critters that win the best episode from this quiet little white-bred redneck mountain town. If you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to spoiler you but trust me, you have to watch it as it is one of the greatest episodes ever made, up there with Scott Tenorman must Die, Awesome-O and Make Love not Warcraft. Red Sleigh Down is also a must watch for any South Park fan in a festive mood, I mean how COULD they shock Santa’s Balls?! In fact, you may as well watch all of them, so below is a binge list of south park Christmas specials.
- South Park – S01E09 – Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
- South Park – S02E16 – Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!
- South Park – S03E15 – Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics
- South Park – S04E20 – A Very Crappy Christmas
- South Park – S06E17 – Red Sleigh Down
- South Park – S07E15 – It’s Christmas in Canada
- South Park – S08E14 – Woodland Critter Christmas
Well, I hope you find something decent to watch here and I wish you a merry Christmas, hiding from your relatives and getting hammered. Tis the season y’all!
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