PATRONS – PATRONS EP

There’s no real joy in the noises PATRONS (four-piece, Plymouth, debut) make; for a compilation of all-over-the-place guitars and caterwauls, their self-titled EP treads a remarkably flat terrain. Pained, life-is-bleak lyrics are our familiar companions, though it’ll take a heroic, battle-weary sort to want to pay attention to what they’re saying. The vocal is, essentially, that whine/screech/whine/screech white noise that doesn’t so much convey emotional pain as it does betray a band following the bullet points spelled out by every TORTURED emo-rock band that came before them. It’s difficult to believe in an artist when their modus operandi is an overused trope.

‘Movements’ is the best track, largely unremarkable though it is. There’s a flash of appeal towards the middle where the guitars step back for the percussion to round on the listener; everything gets bassy and imposing and suddenly the dramatics are reason enough to pay attention, if only for a little while. Slivers of good stuff aren’t sufficient evidence that there’s a good band hiding underneath the crushing monotony; PATRONS definitely can do better, but they don’t have the charisma to keep it up.

“A new day dawns / We start to mourn,” is the relentlessly optimistic opening salvo on ‘Little Victories’. By this point it’s a job to tell the three tracks apart and it all feels somewhat overbearing. Listening to ‘PATRONS’ is a chore, an exercise in exactly how long a person can last without peeling their own skin off just to have something else to do. Confusing ‘passion’ with ‘shouting’ is an easy enough mistake to make, but cripes, managing to invoke loud noises with such stifling boredom is a notable talent.

Honestly: it’s not all heavily tiresome. All three songs close with some interesting guitar work that really should have been at the heart of ‘PATRONS’. When the glimpses of quirkiness make themselves known, it’s all the more disappointing that PATRONS trade them for tedium.